11 Week Revelations

Desmond slept through the night again last night! He slept almost 8 hours. I didn't get to sleep quite that long as Norman's brothers wanted to talk and wouldn't let us sleep for a while. I'm so proud of Desmond. He's not even three months old yet!

I was thinking about it this morning and having Desmond has inspired me to be a better person. I feel like I'm healthier than before I had him because even though I'm fatter, I'm walking everyday and being more conscious of what I eat. I don't want to be a fat mom who can't run and play with my little kid. That's something I'm looking forward to and I don't want to miss out on it.



It's easier to make good decisions about money when I can remind myself that I have to keep Desmond in mind. I can tell myself, "Don't buy _____, Desmond will need diapers", a lot easier than, "Don't buy _____, should save money". It helps to have something concrete that you care so much about.

I also feel like I'm not putting off tasks I hate as much as before. I'm trying to be really responsible and get things done without making excuses to myself. I cleaned the whole house for two days before Norman got home. I was scrubbing on my hands and knees, moving things to dust, all that stuff I hate. I feel like it's a disaster now, but really just the dishes need done and the floors swept and vacuumed because I did all the deep cleaning on my marathon.



Lastly, I can't fathom how these mothers in the news can hurt their kids. I've had days where I'm frustrated or tired and there's no way I would take it out on my baby. Sometimes I'm tired and he's crying and I'm changing his diaper in the dark and I feel like crying too, but I make an effort to smile at him anyway. Quite often he stops crying and smiles back, but even when he doesn't it's okay. I want him to always know that it doesn't matter what mood he's in, he can always count on me to give him a comforting smile, even if I can't do anything else to make him happy. It's hard enough to make choices for his health and safety that make him sad, like car-seat straps and shots at the Dr; I can't imagine purposely doing anything to make him feel pain, scared, or have hurt feelings. If he's crying and I can't figure out what he needs, that's when I want to hold him and kiss him most because it hurts me to see him upset. I'm not a big fan of having to breast-feed just because it takes so much time and I can't get much done around it, but I realize I would miss it if I quit because it's cuddle time that he'll allow and that no one can take over for me. I get it all to myself. I still look forward to going back to working and being less tied down, but I do like the special bonding it gives us that he can't replicate with anyone else.

Daddy's Home!

It was a busy week with Norman gone. If not for Ted, I wouldn't have gotten to take a shower all week. Things went well. We got in a routine and had a lot of good bonding time.

Milestones:
Desmond started sleeping through the night! Not every night, but definitely trying! A few nights he woke up and ate for 10 minutes and then crashed again. Night before last was the best yet; 8 hours in a row of sleep for me! That was so nice!






A few day ago, Friday or so, I was folding laundry on the bed and Des was laying next to the pile. He reached up and grabbed one of his light blankets, pulled it to his mouth and sucked on it. He's never made any attempt to use his hands before. Apparently he's decided his kicking is superb, so now it's time to move on to hands. On Sunday before Norman got home, I had Des in his bouncy chair while I did my hair. I looked down and instead of kicking to make his toys move he was batting them with his hands! Then yesterday morning, he was trying to grab the toys hanging on his rocking chair, so I took one down and he held it in his hand. I got him another toy that looked easy to hold and he held it and sucked on it and seemed quite pleased with himself. He sucks just his thumb now instead of his whole fist, also.




He is staying awake in the car longer and longer, though he is still good in the car. I'm trying to figure out how to have toys for him to look at in a way that's safe. I feel bad that he has nothing to amuse him in the car.

More You Know You're a Parent When:

All your magazine subscriptions are now about parenting and babies.

You don't wear shirts with decorations on them or necklaces that are bumpy because baby doesn't like leaning against them.

You don't change unless it's a lot of spit-up.

You've had to change YOUR clothes because of how much baby pooped.

Sold your show horse, bought a kid's horse.

Never stay up past 9 PM.

You know how fascinating a ceiling fan can be.

Taking a shower is a special event.

You get accused of talking to yourself because of the constant monologue for the baby.

Your entertainment budget has been traded for a diaper budget.

You have a silly song for everything you do.

You've added words like "toe-sie", "poopie", and "jammies" to your daily vocabulary.

Baby Weight:
I'm sick of this extra baby-weight. The last straw was seeing a picture of myself on the mare I brought home for a trial and only kept a day. I looked huge on her. So, I'm watching was I eat better, looking to do not too many calories or too high salt. I'm keeping a food journal and I'm walking a mile a day. I've got 10 miles under my belt so far. A friend gave me a jogging stroller and it's been wonderful. I usually take a dog or two and we walk down to the end of the block and back which is a mile since I live in the country. I don't think I've lost anything yet, but I feel better knowing I'm doing something to start moving in the right direction.

Today:
It was raining earlier! It hasn't rained in a while, though we had so much rain earlier this summer that the garden was sick from lack of nutrients. I haven't walked yet today since it looked like it was going to storm. I decided it was a lounging in bed day, so after I fed Desmond and all the animals I took him back to bed with me. He sat next to me and worked on holding a toy for a bit, now he's sleeping lightly in the middle of the bed. He keeps startling himself so he can't fall deep asleep. I'm craving croisants from Walla Walla Bread Company. That's so far today.

The Ride:
I didn't get to go since you can't take kids under 12 and I'm nursing. It was hard to know everyone was having fun and working hard while I sat at home, but I did have fun with Des. Norman and Nancy and John got home Sunday and last night we sat around and Ted and I listened to their stories. Ted announced he could not miss another year and would figure out some way to go next summer. I'm hoping I'll be able to figure out a way to go too. Unless I snag a summer teaching job anyway. Dazzle did great according to her new owner, Karol. I'm glad she's working out so well, I miss her! She is an awesome horse.

Horses:
A week ago, Monty and I drove into Pendleton and I tried out a mare. She is not what I was looking at before last week but I realized I'm not going to find my ideal in my price range. I bought her and the seller dropped her off later than afternoon. She is a 14.3H (with shoes on), unregistered Pinto mare, about 15 yrs old. She's not much to look at, but not terrible, she's fat, fat, fat, big boned, slow, and rusty, but well trained. She takes both leads at the lope, doesn't run away with you, doesn't spook, doesn't buck, she ties (though she did pull back once while getting bathed), and she doesn't try to kill Spotless. I've ridden her three times and she was good. I think I'll be able to have fun with her and Desmond will be able to ride her if he wants to and I'll be able to give Annabelle pony rides on her and Sali can ride her. She's a real kid-broke horse, unlike the 10 I looked at before her that ran away, reared, and went like camels. I accidentally let them both out the other evening and I had them both back in the pen in 15 minutes, and it was the new mare that let me catch her! She doesn't have a name. I could register her Pinto for $100, but there isn't much point since I can't show much and there aren't Pinto shows near here. I have to think of a good name for her though. Right now she is just Mare-Mare.





Spotless looks good. I took his sheet off of him and his Rescue Horse diet paid off; he's gained a ton of weight and looks like a horse now! I got his feet trimmed again this week and now I just have to get someone to ride him more so I can get him sold!

Exciting Grown-Up Progress:
With Norman's money from the Ride he bought the lap top I am typing on! His grandpa had bought himself a new one, so sold him this one for way less than it's worth but what we could afford. THANK YOU!!! We're going to pay off the last CitiBank card, the Care Credit card, and the Maurices card and then we'll just have school loans, the truck loan, and the US bank card left. It's good progress anyway. With his Christmas bonus and tax return we're hoping to pay off the truck/trailer loan, then sell the truck and maybe the trailer also (I'd have to buy another trailer if we sold it, but a smaller one), and put that money either onto Norman's school loan or on the US bank card. Either way, we could have nothing left but school loans to pay off in about a year! That is exciting. Then we will start putting savings in retirement at Norman's work. That will make me feel better because right now if my grandparents decided not to let us live here anymore or passed away, we'd pretty much be on the street. A little too precarious for me. Norman is very encouraged and excited to pay off some debt and not have to spend the whole amount on hay! I now have two horses and the new mare is a very easy keeper. I started last summer with 4, none easy keepers. Hopefully I'll have Spotless sold by winter and have only 1.

Desmond Visits The Garden

Last Monday, Norman's one day off last week, it was actually cool enough to go outside for a while. I took Des out in his bouncy chair and floppy hat to enjoy some nature. He wasn't sure about it. He sat and watched Norman work in the garden and I sat beside him and took pictures. MoonShine ran around in the garden and kept coming over to check on him. After a bit, Norman came over and made funny faces and Desmond smiled. He is going to think his daddy doesn't have a "normal" face, lol.

One Of My Favorite Milestones

Night before last, Desmond slept through the night! No 4 AM feeding! I was afraid it was a fluke, but he did it again last night! I think I got to sleep 7 1/2 hours in a row last night! Then we got up, I got him dressed, fed him and ate a bowl of cereal, then we went for a walk with the new jogging stroller I was given and we were back home by 8 AM. I wish I could walk again later, but it'll too hot all the rest of the day. It's been getting 100 degrees quite often.

Yesterday Des was babysat by Grandma Gloria (my grandma) in the afternoon so that I could go to a movie with my Uncle Rob and twin cousins. She said he was good almost the entire time and gave her lots of smiles with dimples.

I'm a single mom this week as Norman has gone on the Ride. I so wish I was going! Hopefully I'll be able to go next year. I'll just have to leave Desmond with a grandma or something for the week. I think he'll be old enough to be without me for a week by then. We'll see. It might be me who couldn't go a week without him by then.

My brother visited from Seattle for couple days and Desmond seemed pretty enamored with him. He stared at him a lot. He was good when we went places, so I take that as he enjoyed himself.

Desmond is starting to outgrow some of his clothes. I had to start two piles: keeping for future kids and give away. I look forward to breaking out the next size of clothes and having new choices to put on him. He's so cute...in everything!
Here's his last time in the adorable Shark outfit:




My grandma seems to be getting a kick out of me with him. She keeps telling people how much I love him and spoil him. I don't know how you couldn't love him, he's such a good baby and so adorable. He's getting upset more often now, but it's only because he's getting bored easier and wants to do something else fun. If you keep wandering around with him and changing the scenery he's perfectly happy. He just doesn't want to sit someplace. He does like to spend time kicking and watching toys move in his chair. He still isn't grabbing anything, but his hands are going up towards them more I think.

Another neat milestone from this past week is that he smiled at MoonShine for the first time. Ted was holding him and sitting on the porch and MoonShine was wandering back and forth in front of them and he would smile every time he saw her. She brings him balls to throw for her when he's in his rocking chair. He doesn't respond to her, but she doesn't seem to mind. So smiling at her was a big deal. I can't wait till they're playing together; that will be SO cute!

MoonShine came on our walk this morning. She was so excited to go that she was whining and barking and bouncing around. Monty walked her and I pushed the stroller. Desmond started getting fussy a little before the half-way mark. I think it was party because the sun kept getting in his eyes. I'm not sure what the other part was. I kept having to move the hood so it was blocking the sun, but it was at a low angle and kept sneaking in. He's happily playing with his toys now though. Smiling and kicking and talking to them.

He's been going to sleep well at night. We have a routine now. I feed him about 8:30 or 9:00 PM, then he gets in his PJ's, I sit him in my lap and read him a book or two, then I kiss him a bunch and lay him in his crib with the mobile on and light off. He talks to the mobile and wiggles about until he falls asleep. Last night I even left him alone and finished up stuff in the living room and he stayed happy. I kept checking on him and he was not worried at all, just talking away.

He's trying to laugh. Norman is really looking forward to him laughing. He's getting closer to laughing everyday. He breathes in like half a laugh, but isn't doing the other half yet. Getting closer though.

2 Month Old

Desmond had his Doctor's appointment last Thursday. He is now 12.1 lbs, 23 inches tall, and has a head circumference of 38 centimeters. He had to have his PKU redone, which I was annoyed about because it's painful and he'd been so good last time. He also had an oral vaccination and two shots. When they finished and let me pick him up, he immediately stopped crying. I felt better because if it was hurting really bad he wouldn't have stopped crying. When we got out to the car he said how hard it was to watch his child cry. That's why I wanted him to go with me! It was hard, but it's for his safety and we have to get used to doing things for his safety even if he isn't happy about it. It's hard.




He seems to be working up to sleeping through the night. He's going longer between feedings at night and he's eating for a short time. I think pretty soon he'll be letting me go 7 hours in a row! That is quite exciting.

Last night, everyone was here playing Rock-Band and Desmond was ready to sleep, so I took him to bed and put his pajamas on him and he was wide awake again so I played with him jiggling his feet, etc. and he smiled and smiled. Then I grabbed a book and pulled him into my lap and started reading to him. I didn't figure we'd get past the first few pages, but he sat there, staring at the pages and listening intently to my voice while I read the story and pointed to the characters through the entire book. He was still with me at the end, I could have read more! I told him what a good listener he was and then fed him some more and put him to bed.

He is going to bed really well, I hope that keeps up. I lay him down and turn his mobile on with just the sound and no light and he'll sometimes talk to himself or wiggle around and he goes to sleep. He never sleeps in our bed unless we're awake. In the mornings Norman will lay him on his chest and pat him so I can sleep a little longer. But that's it. We don't want him to get smothered in the blankets, OR used to sleeping with us. He's going to get his own room in the fall and if he's sleeping through the nights by then, he'll be sleeping in there.

I'm really enjoying this little guy. I was afraid I'd get frustrated with a baby, but I'm never frustrated with him. I'm cranky in the morning because I'm sleepy, but that gets taken out on furniture that in my way. Haha.

Desmond's Birth Reflections

I'm siting here feeding Des and watching 16 And Pregnant. I don't know how these young teenagers go through the process, it was hard enough married and 25 and only working when I wanted to (substitute teacher).

I cried through the end of the one where the girl gave the baby up for adoption, not because of that so much as the fact that the boyfriend wanted to keep it and they didn't have any way to make it an option. It was totally the right decision to give the baby up, but the family was fighting in the delivery room and there was so much stress through the pregnancy. I was really happy with how the delivery room was for me.

We got there at 6 AM, broke my water at about 8 AM, got contractions going in the jacuzzi tub within about 1 1/2 hr or so and after two doses of the IV drug that dulls the top of the sharpest pain, it was time to push. At 2:05 PM, there he was. It went so fast. I was already 4 cm dialated going in and having lots of "practice" contractions. It's hard to imagine that next time is supposed to go even faster. He was a week overdue, hopefully the next one will NOT do that!

Desmond has been such a good baby. He had good Apgar scores and latched well. He slept more at night than most newborns because he was so big at birth (9.43 lbs). He doesn't cry much, only when he's mad or has a wet or dirty diaper.

Now, at 8 weeks tomorrow, he loves bathes, and is up to sleeping 5 hrs in a row at night, once in a while even longer. He can stay awake for 3 or 4 hours in a row and be happy the whole time. He can occupy himself for awhile playing so I don't have to feel bad leaving him to himself so I can wash dishes or do laundry. It's quite encouraging.

I don't have to worry about working and nursing. I plan to make it to 6 months and then we'll see what going on work-wise. I really want to go back to subbing, but I don't want to be trying to pump at school, it'd be pretty impossible. So I'm hoping to pump enough to freeze that he can still be getting breast milk after I'm done nursing. I bought a new breast pump but haven't attacked it yet. I think using the old one sporadically is what caused the painful clogged milk ducts. Since I quit pumping I've been fine. But if I want to wean at 6 months I'm going to have to go back to pumping so I have enough saved up.

4th of July Weekend

Saturday:
Norman was able to finagle the day off and we drove to Tricities to meet my dad who was helping one of my aunts move. It turned out his parents were there too, and they've never seen Desmond so it was a really neat surprise. The took pictures with him and then my dad and them headed home and I stayed and talked to my aunt for about an hour. I hadn't seen her in year and it was awesome. She's going to be only about 45 minutes away now!

4th of July:
It was a big weekend of Desmond and me. It was his first 4th of July. My grandma and I took him to Pioneer park and he mostly slept through us wandering around to see all the vendors. We ran into a friend of mine from high school and he opened his eyes to see him, then went back to sleep. Then later I took him to my aunt's house and we hung out there and ate BBQ and then came home when Norman got off work. We could hear fireworks, but didn't actually see any. Next year that will be much more exciting because Des will be able to be excited about it.

Newest Developments:
Desmond made the break-through the other night that his kicking makes the animals on his bouncy chair bounce. He stared at them like a little scientist, researching how the harder he kicked the more they bounced. It occupied him for an hour. I got him a rocking vibrating chair with a gift card from my Aunt Lisa and he really likes it. He spent an hour today getting the animals on it to move. He kicks and smiles and stares with huge eyes. It's so cute.





The other thing he's started doing is he stays awake a little longer in the car. He's made it around the block to my grandma's twice! And shocked me yesterday by staying awake the whole way from my Aunt Patty's house, which is about 15 minutes!

My Revelations:
The other day I accidentally read some posts about people who had lost their babies to SIDS. It's so terrifying because it's not something you can control like not drinking while you're pregnant or rear-facing the car-seat. I do all the preventions on the lists I find. I was worried about it because I don't know what I'd do without this little guy. I've rearranged my whole life to made it about him for awhile. I finally got Norman to talk to me a little bit so I could tell him about it and that made me feel better. Then Saturday in the car I read in American Baby that 96% of SIDS deaths happen when one of the preventions isn't followed. So, that makes me feel a lot safer.

The other safety thing I learned more about is the rear-facing car-seat. Watch some videos on Youtube, it's crazy. If you get in a crash front-facing your kid has a good chance of being internally decapitated. So Desmond is going to be rear-facing as long as he can be.

Desmond has begun not letting me sleep in. When he decided I should be up he cries and own't settle himself. I'll get up and feed the dogs, etc. and while I'm out of the room he goes back to sleep. If I try to ignore him a while and get him to go back to sleep with me in bed he will not sleep. I get up, he sleeps. Not fair.

My grandma had told us before Desmond was born that we'd find a renewed need for God when Des was barn. We've definitely found it to be true. With so many ways a baby can be hurt or killed, and so many of them out of our immediate control, you'd go crazy if you couldn't pray and give some of your fear to God. I was listening to a Big Bad Voodoo Daddy in the song that summed it up pretty well, "Angels watch over you, like parents want to do".

You Know You're A Parent When:
I think I must start this list and add to it as I find new things I didn't do or think before.

-baby drool no longer turns your stomach
-anything past 7:30 is "sleeping in"
-anything past 9 PM is "late"
-every time you go someplace you feel like you've packed for a weekend
-you narrate everything you do
-you can make a sandwich with one hand
-you know how to swaddle