Desmond slept through the night again last night! He slept almost 8 hours. I didn't get to sleep quite that long as Norman's brothers wanted to talk and wouldn't let us sleep for a while. I'm so proud of Desmond. He's not even three months old yet!
I was thinking about it this morning and having Desmond has inspired me to be a better person. I feel like I'm healthier than before I had him because even though I'm fatter, I'm walking everyday and being more conscious of what I eat. I don't want to be a fat mom who can't run and play with my little kid. That's something I'm looking forward to and I don't want to miss out on it.
It's easier to make good decisions about money when I can remind myself that I have to keep Desmond in mind. I can tell myself, "Don't buy _____, Desmond will need diapers", a lot easier than, "Don't buy _____, should save money". It helps to have something concrete that you care so much about.
I also feel like I'm not putting off tasks I hate as much as before. I'm trying to be really responsible and get things done without making excuses to myself. I cleaned the whole house for two days before Norman got home. I was scrubbing on my hands and knees, moving things to dust, all that stuff I hate. I feel like it's a disaster now, but really just the dishes need done and the floors swept and vacuumed because I did all the deep cleaning on my marathon.
Lastly, I can't fathom how these mothers in the news can hurt their kids. I've had days where I'm frustrated or tired and there's no way I would take it out on my baby. Sometimes I'm tired and he's crying and I'm changing his diaper in the dark and I feel like crying too, but I make an effort to smile at him anyway. Quite often he stops crying and smiles back, but even when he doesn't it's okay. I want him to always know that it doesn't matter what mood he's in, he can always count on me to give him a comforting smile, even if I can't do anything else to make him happy. It's hard enough to make choices for his health and safety that make him sad, like car-seat straps and shots at the Dr; I can't imagine purposely doing anything to make him feel pain, scared, or have hurt feelings. If he's crying and I can't figure out what he needs, that's when I want to hold him and kiss him most because it hurts me to see him upset. I'm not a big fan of having to breast-feed just because it takes so much time and I can't get much done around it, but I realize I would miss it if I quit because it's cuddle time that he'll allow and that no one can take over for me. I get it all to myself. I still look forward to going back to working and being less tied down, but I do like the special bonding it gives us that he can't replicate with anyone else.
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